Note from Axel’s Mom

My name is Darcy; I am Corey’s wife and Axel’s Mother.  I wanted to add something of myself to Corey’s blog and a thank you to our family and friends for their love and support.

Corey’s started writing about my pregnancy to share with family and friends.  I was amused by his take on our pregnancy.  The blog became something more than he ever intended.  We love all the comments left for us, they have kept us connected and they helped us from drowning in grief after we lost Axel.

Most of you who have read Corey’s blog are friends and family who know us pretty well, what some of you may not know is that Corey and I have been trying to have a baby for a few years; we had two miscarriages before we got pregnant with Axel.  We have always wanted children, we discussed it long before we were married, I think it may have even been our second date…. poor Corey.  We had a “5 year plan”, the five years turned into 6, 7 and then at 8 yrs we found out we were having Axel.  I was in Trinidad on a business trip and knew we were pregnant; I managed to wait until we were together before confirming that we were indeed pregnant.  Axel was due July 10, 2007. 

Our first trimester with Axel was scary, every Ultrasound, test and Midwife appointment was terrifying, I was waiting for something to go wrong.  Corey, my Mom, Sister and Sarah our Midwife tried to reassure me at every turn; needless to say we were relieved once we made it to the second trimester. 

I loved being pregnant, I even loved the nausea and mind boggling heart burn.  I tried to take everything in my pregnancy with a sense of humor and enjoy the time.  I knew that once he was born I would miss having him inside me.  I felt like I was carrying a treasure around with me, my little man kicking and letting me know his thoughts on all my habits.  Axel had an opinion about my walking, eating, sleeping…..he came by his nature quite honestly, both Corey and I come from wonderful families with lots of personality and lots of opinions…. 

We were thrilled when we found out we were having a boy.  It was amazing to know that our Son would be making his appearance soon.  We started arguing about names within hours of the ultrasound.  Romeo, Rocco, Cyrus…etc….when we decided on Axel it just felt right, I love his name.  I called him by his name from the moment we decided on it, I still love to hear other people refer to him by his name.  My Sister in Law created a crest with his name, Corey posted it on the blog and my parents hung the letters of his name in the “grandchildren’s room” in their house.  Axel Corey Reid Carriveau is a great name.

Our third trimester went along without any concerns right until we found out Axel had died.  He was born May 20, 2007 at 7:00 am in St. Paul’s Hospital.  Corey and I held him and said goodbye.  It was the worst day of our lives, everyday since then has been about survival, taking each breath one at a time.

We pray for the day Jehovah will bring him back to us, until then nothing will be right. 

A few weeks after Axel died; I was hurt in an accident.  I was taken to the hospital, had surgery etc.  My scars are pretty brutal but as it turns out Corey was probably injured more than I was.  He had to watch what happened to Axel and then watch again when I was injured.  Corey has carried more than any Husband or Father should ever have to endure. 

Corey and I have kept our heads above water with the help and support of our family, friends, congregation and most of all our faith in Jehovah’s promised resurrection (Revelation 21:3, 4).

The scars on my arm are ugly but they are confirmation of what has happened; that Axel is our first born, that he was with us, that we love him and that we will see him again soon, sadly the scars on our hearts will not heal until we have our Son.

Thank you for all your loving thoughts, words and kindnesses. 

Much Love,
Darcy