What I Know
May 29, 2007
Maybe this should be titled, ‘what I’ve learned’.
I’ve learned that until you really experience grief it’s hard to know how it feels. I’ve also learned that everyone experiences grief differently. And that there aren’t any right or wrong ways.
I also have come to cherish the scripture at Psalms 34:18, ‘Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; And those who are crushed in spirit he saves’.
Broken and crushed is how I feel. And that scripture is so comforting to me.
I’ve also learned what it means to lean on your family, on your friends, on your congregation. It’s so easy to want to drown in your sorrow, in all your pain. To let it simply consume you. To not allow yourself to think of what tomorrow is or brings.
But leaning on others relieves you of that somewhat. It gives you a shoulder to cry on and share. It gives you comfort that there is a tomorrow. Somewhere anyways. And that somewhere out there are beautiful days.
You don’t want to see those days as you think that as soon as you do, you’re forgetting your son. Rationally, you know that’s not possible, but what is rational about grief. You think that if you smile or laugh, or feel normal for a moment that you’ve wronged him in some way.
I want everyone to know that there are times when I sit at my computer and wait for someone to leave us a comment and then I lean on that. Then I reread them all, and all the cards and lean on them again.
Every phone call and visit have helped as well. I’ve leaned on all of you and will need to keep doing that.
Thankyou for letting me lean.
Corey.
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1.
Chels | May 30, 2007 at 4:11 am
Corey,
Everytime I visit this page I am amazed by the power and beauty of your words and thoughts.
I love you so much.
You and Darcy have shown a strength and love for each over these tragic days that i never knew was possible.
Chelsea
2.
Willow H. | May 30, 2007 at 4:38 am
Corey and Darcy
I had read your entry last week and had hesitated to make a comment….. Now that I read your latest entry I realized how foolish I was being.
I want you to know that I was truly moved by your willingness to expose your unexplainable loss so freely. Your words were piercing and beautiful and I have lied awake at night wondering how you and Darcy are doing.
Jehovah has every tiny, perfect detail of Axel safe in his memory and I can’t wait for the day when he reunites your family.
Love Willow
3.
Gary | May 30, 2007 at 7:45 am
Corey and Darcy
I know of your loss through Harv and Dar. We have shed tears today for your sorrow.
Your words in this blog speak volumes of your strength and spirit.
1Peter 5:7 says to throw all our anxiety upon Jehovah, because he cares for us. We are all praying for your family that Jehovah’s spirit help you during this time of distress.
Your Brother
Gary
4.
Sylvana | May 30, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Dear Darcy & Corey,
Again I would like to offer my sincere condolences and express my profound sorrow over the loss of your precious baby boy.
Although I am not a close friend or family member, only a co worker of Darcy’s, I would like to tell you both that you are in my thoughts and prayers each and every day.
I was touched to read you comments Corey about how you sometimes wait for comments to come through and felt compelled to reassure you both that there are so many people that are grieving along with you.
You will never, ever forget your son – he will always be with you and in time there will be many beautiful days ahead for you both.
Continue to take comfort in your family, friends and congregation as much and for as long as you need to and know that we are all thinking of you and that you are in our prayers.
Warm Hugs,
Sylvana
5.
Sarah | May 31, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Darcy and Corey,
I have wanted to pass along my condolences ever since I heard that you had lost your beautiful baby boy. We don’t know you guys that well, besides quick hello’s at the assemblies, but I can’t stop thinking about you guys and everything you must be feeling. A freind passed along your site to me and after reading your entries Corey, I wanted to at least type you a message.
Unfortunatly, I can’t express myself as well as you Corey, I keep erasing things I type in because they just don’t sound right. But please know that you are in our thoughts and our prayers and we think of you often.
Much Love,
Sarah
6.
Gail Smith | May 31, 2007 at 11:34 pm
I am a good friend of your mom’s. I just wanted to let you know how incredibly sad I feel for you and Darcy and how much I am praying for you right now. This is a time to pray and lean on Jehovah as much as possible as only He can help you through this very rough time. Soon, this old system will be ending and you will see your son again.
All my love,
Gail Smith
7.
paula | June 1, 2007 at 8:53 am
Can a stranger’s shoulder be as comforting as a friend’s? I hope so … here it is … lean away! And when you need them … 2 arms to hug you both tight.
I have been awed by your openness and honesty in sharing your journey and thank you profusely for your posts. I was in full-out sobs as I read your post 11 days ago, and didn’t even know how to begin to express my sorrow for you both. Everything I type sounds trite and stilted … I wish I had your gift of expression. These words came to me …
Sometimes
I remember
Sometimes
I cry
Sometimes
I miss you
Always
8.
Rajinder Manhas | June 1, 2007 at 5:00 pm
Dearest Darcy and Corey,
I cannot even imagine what you guys are going through, but I can promise you one thing that there is a beautiful tomorrow out there once you are ready to accept it. About 13 years ago, I lost my dad who was 44 years old to Cancer. He fought a long and dirty battle with Cancer. I was only 19 so it was tough for me to accept or understand why all this was happening to my family. We lived in India, and my dad was the only breadwinner, I was the eldest and had three other siblings to take care. The day he died, I felt the earth pulled away from beneath my feet. I was so angry with God and everyone around me trying to tell me to stop crying. Grief swallowed our home, days turned to months and nothing was happening. None of the kids went to school, my mom was dying inside and I thought to myself, if my dad was alive would he be happy if sees us like this. Right there and then I knew how to survive. I know that he would want us to be happy and live our lives remembering him in our hearts. That was it, I pulled myself together and said that no more crying, I will honor my Dad by making him proud and by taking care of his kids and wife. Since then, every hardship that has come my way I have faced it the same way. I am happy that I have moved along, that my brother sisters are settled, and that my mom has somehow learned to live. This does not mean that I have forgotten my Dad, no not for even one second. He is always in my heart. I know he is proud of us.
Therefore Darcy and Corey, I know it seems very hard to see that beautiful tomorrow today but believe me your son would want his parents to live their life and honor him. He would want you guys to be happy. So please make him proud, but take the time you need to grieve and mourn him but always remember by moving on, you will not in anyway forget him, he will forever live in your hearts till you all are united again.
With lots of hug and love,
Rajinder
9.
Coco | June 1, 2007 at 6:02 pm
Chief & Darcy,
Thank YOU for opening your hearts to your family & friends, Im so grateful for the words that you express to us all. It helps me know how you guys are coping and it brings relief to my heart that Jehovah is giving you both so much strength and that you are receiving all of our prayers and thoughts and relying on us and that us as friends are HELPING in a small WAY but that it is bringing you both Comfort and Hope!!! I can relate to the fact that you are worried about forgetting your son or that enjoying yourself is a disrespectful thing to him, but in all honesty with dealing with my mom’s diagnosis(WHICH is COMPLETELY NOT the Same as a LOSS of a CHILD and ThAT I cannot RELATE TOO I hope you understand what im saying Im not trying to be disrespectful to that degree but) I had the same feelings of disrespecting the fact that she was so sick if I went out for dinner with friends or enjoyed myself to much, but I KNOW she doesnt want me to feel that way and the same is with Axel he wouldnt want his Daddy & Mommy feeling such a state as that. You have to be the positive force that reflects on axel and what he means to you both and he IS always remembered in your hearts and minds forever. Im not trying to compare my situation with yours..just a lil help to let you know that THERE will be Happier days ahead and the scripture that you quoted above is one of the ones that I GREATLY lean upon almost everyday. But like you said above by friends and relying on jehovah an the congregation you WILL see happier times ahead. THe time that you are in now is sad and it will take MUCh time to start living a normal life again. But by faith & love for one another it will happen. And to know that Jehovah is giving you the power what is beyond Normal at this time. Thanks for writing these feelings of yours so we know how you are. And PLEASE know that WE ARE always ThINKINg of you..and WE are ALWAYS here for you for Whatever HELP we can GIVE!!! Much LOVE & Hugs from Colin and I BOTH!!! We think about you all everyday.
10.
Veronica | June 3, 2007 at 10:21 pm
Corey and Darcy,
I’m astounded by your eloquence and poise, and the courage that it takes to bare your broken heart and let us in. We love you very much and shed tears daily for your darling Axel and your agony. Grief is so personal and no one else can know how you are feeling but we will continue to provide that shoulder and please lean….that you are comforted by this whole community who is mourning with you gives hope. We love you, and are here for you.
Lots of love
Veronica
11.
Mike | June 4, 2007 at 1:44 am
As a stranger and faceless internet citizen I feel a little awkward about this, but I have read your hockey blog regularly and I was moved by your writing about this tragic situation. You and your wife have my sympathy and very best wishes. Good luck to you both.
cheers,
Mike
12.
Tamar and Frank Tridico | June 4, 2007 at 5:15 am
Dear Corey and Darcy: We are friends of your parents, unfortunately we have not come to know you well but we too were waiting in anticipation of the birth of your little son Axel. We shared the excitement that Linda and Al would be feeling and thinking of someday we too may have the same joy, a grandbaby. To our complete sadness and horror we were told of your loss. I regret taking so long to call the family….I had hoped it was just a bad dream…I knew if I phoned it would validate this terrible loss. It makes us both feel so helpless. We are sharing in the whole families grief. The words of Isaiah 41:10,13 come mind…”Do not be afraid, for Iam with you. Do not gaze about ,for Iam your God> I will fortify you. I will really help you. I will really keep fast hold of you with my right hand of righteousness.” “For I, Jehovah your God, am grasping your right hand, the One saying to,’Do not be afraid. I myself will help you.” It is a good reminder for us that Jehovah really truly cares for us. He really cares for you and your families loss. Keep using every avenue available to help you to cope and have courage. Jehovah himself will help you. We long for the day soon when the enemy death will be gone forever. With many tears and prayers in your behalf we are thinking of you now. With deep love and affection, Tamar and Frank
13.
********** | June 4, 2007 at 5:28 pm
I still think of you and Darcy and keep you constant in my prayers. I have a pain in my heart and a dull ache when the sun is out and people are enjoying their day. I think of you two and your pain and wish so badly I could take it away. Time will heal your wound and you will go on to be amazing parents to another beautiful baby! You will learn to love that little one and will look forward to a time when you will see baby Axel as perfect as he was. You are an amazing husband and such a strong man Corey. Your words are a comfort to all of us on the outside wondering how you and Darcy are. I check your site regularly thank you for your openness and having the strength and courage to pour out your heart. You guys are loved and certainly not forgotten!!!!
14.
Zaneta | June 5, 2007 at 10:16 pm
Darcy and Corey, I believe you have lived what I imagine feels like a lifetime of grief in the last couple of weeks. I’m glad to know that you are leaning on family, friends and faith during this time. I just want to let you know that I am thinking of you often and I send you both much love and strength for the days and weeks ahead.
You are never alone.
Zaneta