What I Know

Maybe this should be titled, ‘what I’ve learned’.

I’ve learned that until you really experience grief it’s hard to know how it feels.  I’ve also learned that everyone experiences grief differently.  And that there aren’t any right or wrong ways.

I also have come to cherish the scripture at Psalms 34:18, ‘Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; And those who are crushed in spirit he saves’.

Broken and crushed is how I feel.  And that scripture is so comforting to me.

I’ve also learned what it means to lean on your family, on your friends, on your congregation.  It’s so easy to want to drown in your sorrow, in all your pain.  To let it simply consume you.  To not allow yourself to think of what tomorrow is or brings.

But leaning on others relieves you of that somewhat.  It gives you a shoulder to cry on and share.  It gives you comfort that there is a tomorrow.  Somewhere anyways.  And that somewhere out there are beautiful days. 

You don’t want to see those days as you think that as soon as you do, you’re forgetting your son.  Rationally, you know that’s not possible, but what is rational about grief.  You think that if you smile or laugh, or feel normal for a moment that you’ve wronged him in some way. 

I want everyone to know that there are times when I sit at my computer and wait for someone to leave us a comment and then I lean on that.  Then I reread them all, and all the cards and lean on them again.

Every phone call and visit have helped as well.  I’ve leaned on all of you and will need to keep doing that. 

Thankyou for letting me lean.

Corey.